Eleanor and Other Fairly Stupid Tales
by PrinRhi
Summary: Another series of Merlin ficlets. These are inspired by songs and are mostly humorous. Rated T to give me room to flex my humor without getting in trouble. First story is inspired by Eleanor by The Turtles and features Merlin, Gwaine, and a drunken night in Camelot.


**Okay I promised you all, my dears, some ficlets in between chapters for my other Merlin fic, A Caved Life, and here, finally, I found the theme I want to go for and finally cranked out the first fic. If any of you wonderful readers read both of my fics, including my Ranger's Apprentice one I'm trying to order my posts this way:**

**Ranger's Apprentice fic**

**Caved Life Merlin fic**

**Merlin ficlets**

**But since I don't have a lot of discipline, which I'm trying to work on trust me, I don't know when I will post. I'm sorry but please bear with me because I truly have no intention of abandoning any of my fics. **

**Alright one more thing. My theme for these fics is songs. Whether the titles, the lyrics, or the song meanings depends on each fic. This fic is inspired by the song Eleanor by The Turtles. Oh, this song is just awesome. And I borrowed the lyrics from the chorus as Gwaine's poem. **

**Also, the title of the all the stories, Eleanor and Other Fairly Stupid Tales, was inspired by a book I read when I was a kid called Stinky Cheeseman and Other Fairly Stupid Tales. Okay that's all enjoy! (^_^)**

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" I must see her tonight! " Gwaine suddenly announced, startling the slightly inebriated Merlin, who was his drinking companion for the evening.

Gwaine had indulged in a lot more alcohol then his skinny friend, thus making Merlin the designated walker tonight. Merlin had just been considering how he was going to tell the knight that they should head home when Gwaine had made his announcement.

" See who? " Merlin queried.

" 'Who' he asks! Only the most radiant creature to grace this Earth, Merlin! " Gwaine shouted, which Merlin considered very unnecessary since they were sitting right next to each other.

" And that would be? " Merlin prompted.

" Eleanor. " Gwaine said dreamily, his head resting on his fist as he gazed longingly at some image in his mind.

Merlin stared at Gwaine for a few moments before saying, " I don't think, uh, Eleanor would want to see us this late, maybe tomorrow when she's, you know, awake. "

" Bah! Where's your sense of romance, Merlin? A lady wants to be wooed, wants spontaneity. And I am just the man to give it to he-whoa! " Gwaine had stood up to fast and had tipped precariously to one side before Merlin steadied him.

Gwaine quickly thanked Merlin then headed out of the pub, the dark-haired boy following after paying for their drinks.

"Come, Merlin, to the residential area! " Gwaine announced, stumbling slightly to the left.

" Other way. " Merlin said in an exasperated voice.

" In this direction! " the knight amended, changing directions.

The knight plowed on ahead for a few moments before Merlin had to act as his human crutch. Once they reached the housing area the two men wasted nearly an hour tracking down the mysterious Eleanor's house. When Gwaine stood before a house that he was mostly sure was hers he asked Merlin to grab him a handful of pebbles. Merlin reluctantly agreed because Gwaine was getting louder and Merlin didn't want to rouse the neighborhood, or any patrolling guard.

Gwaine threw pebbles at the window, or in the direction his drunken eyes put the window, but his ploy eventually worked when the window was thrown open. Only the person glaring down at the two men from the second floor window was an older man. A very angry looking older man.

" What is wrong with you two? Do you know what time it is? " the man shouted at them.

Merlin winced at the loud shouting, just knowing he was minutes away from being arrested and put in the stocks. Again. Gwaine on the other hand returned the man's glare which did nothing to ease his friends growing panic.

" Tell me first what you have done with Eleanor! "

"Who? "

"Eleanor! That vision, no, goddess of a woman who is the tavern girl at the pub! "

Merlin sighed. Of course Gwaine had found the love of his life at a pub. He didn't go anywhere else besides the castle but the pub.

The old man looked confused, then his face went back to it's perpetual scowl, " That lass you're talking about lives next door, you stupid git! " and with those parting words he slammed the window back down hard enough that both men feared that the glass would crack.

" Oh, well, I suppose I did get the house wrong. Oh well, sally forth. "

"Sally forth? " but Gwaine was already staggering over to the house next door and starting to bend over to pick up some more rocks.

Merlin quickly intervened before his friend became intimate with the ground.

" Surely we don't have to go through the rock thing again? " Merlin pleaded.

Gwaine gave Merlin a patronizing smile, " Merlin, Merlin, Merlin. " was all he said in a condescending tone, but he slurred it so the sorcerer's name came out sounding more like Murl'n.

The pebble throwing process started again but Merlin did it this time since there was only one window, instead of the two that Gwaine was now seeing, and Merlin just wanted to go to his bed and sleep. His aim proved to be truer then Gwaine's had been as the window was soon opened and a bleary eyed brunette with deep green eyes looked down at them. She stared at them until recognition crossed her sleep mind.

" Gwaine, what are you doing? " she hissed in a low voice, her beautiful features scrunching up into a scowl.

Gwaine's face lit up and a radiant, if a bit lopsided, smile graced his features, " Ah, my heart shings to look upon your shtunning countenansh. " he slurred.

" What? Gwaine, it's late and you're drunk, go home! " she replied and began to close the window.

" No, wait! Pleash, I've wroten a poem for you! "

A sigh could be heard before she returned to the window with a resigned look on her face. She leaned on the frame on her forearms and said, " Fine, but then you have to leave. "

" Of coursh, of coursh. " Gwaine answered, pleased that she had acquiesced. The knight cleared his throat and, much to Merlin's amusement, launched into his poem.

" Eleanor, gee I think you're swell

And you really do me well

You're my pride and joy…etc. "

Merlin had to cover his mouth to keep from bursting out loud with laughter, but that failed when the woman at the window stood up with a huff and shouted, " My name is Jocelyn, you drunken ass! " before slamming the window down.

Gwaine frowned in confusion then glared at his friend when Merlin doubled over in laughter.

" You can shtop now Merlin. " Gwaine growled and began trudging back towards the castle. Merlin finally got control of his laughter and chased after him.

" I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just never thought you could write poetry, " Merlin's smile widened, " and I was correct. "

Merlin dodged the wild, but still powerful swing from his friend but then Gwaine started laughing, too. Merlin went back to his post as human crutch and gave the knight's shoulder a comforting pat.

" I'm sorry it didn't work out with Eleanor, or I guess Jocelyn. " this elicited another chuckle from both men.

" It'sh salright, perhaps I'll find the real Eleanor. I'm sure she'll fall madly in love with me. Won't be able to resisht my charmsh. " Gwaine said, then stumbled a bit.

Merlin laughed then said, " Well if that plan falls through, I think that old man was a little lonely. "

Gwaine smiled, " Yesh, and when the moon hit him just right, he was radiant. "

The two friends were still laughing when the got back to the castle.

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**For anyone who's interested in hearing the whole song I was inspired from should look it up on youtube. It is supposed to be a smart ass song, there's a whole story behind it, but it gained a lot of popularity despite the fact. It's a really good song, so listen when you can. **


End file.
